“Form begins to take its shape, revealing something new
The story starts becoming clear
I close my eyes to see
What the Painter of the world has in store for me.
”
In high school, one of my friends made me a CD of a garage band named Trase.
I haven’t thought of them, or listened to their CD in years; however, it came to mind shortly after my canvas vision.
In recently pulling it out of my closet, I remembered the love affair I had with song #6. Song #6 is title-less, so Trase, if you ever read this post, please let me know what you intended to call it, because I’ve affectionately titled it “Paint a Picture for Me.”
Listening to the song was just as impactful (if not more so) as it was 16 years ago. If you’d like to check it out, here it is:
Over the last several weeks, in response to God’s invitation, I’ve been attempting to dream. It’s been harder than I thought.
During my prayer times, when voicing my dreams to God, I sense him chuckling at me. Not in a mocking, condescending way, but merely, in an “Oh my child, you’re still dreaming in muted colors, and have no idea what I’m truly capable of” kind of way.
The reality is, I still don’t know how to dream. I’m still figuring out the difference between God’s concept of dreaming and my own. I’m still laboring to dream big, robust, God-like dreams. I’m still struggling to trust God with my deepest desires.
However, despite my dreaming hang-ups, I’ve come up with a few. And, I believe God wants me to verbalize them.
Lord, this is what I want on my canvas (in no particular order, except #1 and 2):
- Joy—abundant, abiding, pure. Your joy. Joy which can’t be taken away, tainted or dictated by life’s circumstances.
- To fearlessly, and wholeheartedly, engage life. To approach life free from the shackles of distrust, anxiety, and fear of failure.
- I want my writing to reach the world. I want it to be a platform for your gospel. A place where people encounter your truth and experience your love.
- A PhD. Preferably a human development-theology hybrid one. And, let me give myself a swift kick to get going on this process.
- A spouse. It’s taken awhile, but I finally recognize that my marriage was a sham; a knock off of what marriage can, and should, be. It’s been a long journey, but I’ve walked out (and at times, stumbled through) my healing. I’ve recognized my own issues and shortcomings, and have done the work to unearth, address, and heal these. Now, I’m ready for the real deal.
This is it for now, but as far as I can tell, God’s graciously given me a standing invitation.
I eagerly await your work Lord.
*Shout out to Trevor Dean for making me the CD, and for helping me remember the name of this obscure band.
**Shout out to Mike Guidry for making the YouTube video, because I had no idea how to upload an audio file to Squarespace.