Two months ago, while my husband and I were checking our PO Box, we saw a homeless man sleeping in the main hallway of the post office. It was night and it was cold, and I immediately felt/sensed/heard, “Go buy a blanket and bring it back to him.” I didn’t though. It was night and it was cold, and I wanted to return to my warm house without being inconvenienced.
I felt: Disobedient. Disappointed.
Two weeks later, I sold my old espresso machine. As I was walking up to Starbucks to meet the buyer, I noticed a homeless man sitting in front of the store. I immediately felt/sensed/heard, “Give him the money. You don’t need it.” The buyer handed me the $40 and I walked past the homeless man to my car. I’m frugal, I felt like I’d worked hard for that money, and therefore, I didn’t share my spoils.
I felt: Disobedient. Disappointed.
After Starbucks, I headed to Costco to run errands. On the way there, I felt/sensed/heard, “Remember the homeless man in the post office? Buy a blanket at Costco and give it to a homeless person.” So, I bought a blanket and left it in my car.
I felt: Obedient. Victorious.
Two nights later, as I pulled into the parking lot at FPU’s North Fresno Center, I immediately felt/sensed/heard, “You’ll drive right by the post office on your way home from teaching. It’s going to be cold tonight. Stop and see if there’s a homeless man sleeping inside.” So, after class, I stopped at the post office, went in, and saw a homeless man sleeping. I went back to my car, got the blanket, and left it next to him.
I felt: Obedient. Victorious.
I believe that God allows us to revisit our failures; that he recreates moments for us to reflect and learn from our experiences. For our character development, but ultimately, for his glory.
My homeless encounter is one such example.
In the New Testament, the Greek word πειράζω (meaning tempt, test, try) is often used in adversarial contexts like when the devil tempts Jesus in the wilderness, when the Pharisees and Sadducees test Jesus regarding the interpretation of the Torah, when the early churches are tempted by the practices of the surrounding culture, or when God’s very character is on trial.
While πειράζω carries an antagonistic connotation, it can also mean “to try, make trial of, test: for the purpose of ascertaining his quality, or what he thinks, or how he will behave.”[i] We see this in 2 Corinthians 13:5, where πειράζω is translated as examine.
“Examine yourselves to see whether you are living in the faith. Test yourselves. Do you not realize that Jesus Christ is in you?—unless, indeed, you fail to meet the test!” (NRSVUE)
In this verse (and chapter), Paul is calling out the Corinthian’s rebellious behavior via an exhortation to self-reflection. It’s equal parts admonition and invitation. Paul wants them to inspect their behaviors to see if they align with their professed faith; to determine whether their actions reflect the Jesus they claim to follow. It’s also a call to remember that Jesus lives in them and therefore they are capable of making right choices (unless they fail to examine themselves, or in examining themselves, realize they are not in the faith, and therefore Jesus does not live in them).
In both the chaos and comfort of life, we can easily delude ourselves into thinking we’re in the faith, when we’re not. If we don’t examine ourselves, we risk remaining blind to our spiritual incongruence—what we proclaim versus how we act (like my homeless encounter). Paul’s encouragement and admonition should resound just as loudly in our ears today as it did for the Corinthians. So too should his rhetorical question.
In moments of disobedience or rebelliousness (like my homeless encounter), God invites us to self-reflection. He encourages us to mine our souls, to discern our spiritual breaches, to access whether Jesus is truly in us. And, like my homeless encounter, I think this is why God allows us to revisit our rebellious or disobedient moments; why he asks us to revisit the “tests” we previously failed. These tests are invitations to examine ourselves to see whether we’re genuine followers of Jesus or just cheap replicas.
[i] https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/g3985/kjv/tr/0-1/
*Caveat: this isn’t a thorough study of 2 Corinthians 13, namely the connection between examining and Paul’s authority as an apostle.